When Positive Self-Talk Feels Cringe (Try This Instead)

You’ve probably heard the advice:

Stand in front of a mirror.

Look yourself in the eyes.

Say: I am capable. I am strong. I’ve got this.

And from a psychological perspective?

That advice isn’t wrong.

There’s real power in saying something out loud so your brain actually hears it — not just thinks it. When you vocalize something, you’re engaging more neural pathways. You’re giving the thought weight. You’re placing it in your environment instead of letting it flicker by as a passing internal whisper.

But let’s be honest.

Sometimes standing alone in your bathroom saying affirmations to your reflection feels… deeply awkward.

…and when something feels silly or forced, your brain doesn’t exactly buy it.

So we need to talk about a workaround.

Why Saying Things Out Loud Actually Matters

Our brains are constantly scanning for evidence.

If your internal monologue sounds like:

• “I’m behind.”

• “I should be doing more.”

• “Everyone else has it together.”

• “I’m going to mess this up.”

Your nervous system will respond accordingly. Stress. Tight chest. Self-doubt. Avoidance.

But when you say something out loud — especially repeatedly — it becomes more concrete. More believable. More embodied.

It’s the difference between:

• A fleeting thought

  and

• A statement your brain has to process as input.

We’re not trying to gaslight ourselves with toxic positivity. We’re trying to give the brain alternative data.

If Mirror Affirmations Aren’t Your Thing…

Try this instead:

Make a self-talk playlist.

Not just a “pump-up” playlist.

Not just songs with a good beat.

I’m talking about songs where the lyrics function as affirmations.

Songs where you already know the words.

Songs you’ll sing without thinking.

Songs that say the things you struggle to say to yourself.

Because here’s the key:

When you sing something out loud, your brain still hears it.

Your body still feels it.

Your nervous system still registers the message.

But now it doesn’t feel like a forced exercise.

It feels like music.

Why This Works (Psychologically Speaking)

When you sing:

• You engage breath (which regulates the nervous system).

• You activate emotion (music is powerful that way).

• You create repetition (choruses matter).

• You pair empowering language with dopamine.

You’re not just thinking, “I am strong.”

You’re belting it.

That matters.

Repetition + emotion + embodiment = sticky learning.

What Counts as a “Self-Talk” Song?

Look for lyrics that reinforce messages like:

• “I can handle this.”

• “I’ve survived before.”

• “I’m not alone.”

• “I’m enough.”

• “I’m allowed to take up space.”

• “I’m getting back up.”

It doesn’t have to be soft and gentle.

It can be bold. Loud. A little dramatic.

Confidence doesn’t only come in whisper tones.

But Let’s Be Clear…

This isn’t magic.

You don’t listen to one song and suddenly erase a decade of self-criticism.

This is about repetition.

Your brain has likely rehearsed self-doubt for years.

We’re just giving it new material to practice.

And importantly: if singing in your car feels more natural than staring yourself down in a mirror — that’s okay.

Therapeutic tools don’t have to look aesthetic to work.

They just have to be used.

A Gentle Reality Check

If positive lyrics feel completely unbelievable — like your brain immediately says, “That’s not true” — that’s useful information.

Sometimes we have to work up to bigger affirmations.

Instead of:

“I am unstoppable.”

Maybe start with:

“I am trying.”

“I’m allowed to learn.”

“I can take one step.”

Your brain accepts believable statements more readily than grand ones.

Let Your Brain Hear the Good Stuff

You are already hearing something all day long.

Your thoughts.

Your worries.

Your inner critic.

You might as well make sure it also hears:

• Strength.

• Capability.

• Support.

• Resilience.

Out loud.

If that happens in your bathroom mirror? Great.

If it happens while you’re singing in traffic? Also great.

The goal isn’t perfection.

It’s exposure to something kinder.

If you’re someone who struggles with a harsh inner voice, that’s not a character flaw. It’s usually a learned pattern — and learned patterns can be reshaped.

And as always, finding the right therapeutic fit matters. If you’re curious about exploring your self-talk more deeply, I’m here.

p.s. Here’s a sample “self-talk” playlist. you’re welcome.

To get you started, here are a few songs with lyrics that function like affirmations:

• This Is Me – from The Greatest Showman

  “I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be.”

• Unstoppable – Sia

  (Great for channeling confidence before something hard.)

• Good as Hell – Lizzo

  (A pep talk disguised as a pop song.)

• Rise Up – Andra Day

  For resilience when things feel heavy.

• Brave – Sara Bareilles

  Encouragement to speak up and take up space.

• Fight Song – Rachel Platten

  Sometimes you just need the reminder that your voice matters.